I went through a major iPad moment with my girls. I experienced a sense of separation from them and overwhelming guilt whenever they were on it for over an hour. Some days they spent more time on their iPads, then any other activity besides school. I told myself it was ok. I needed to get things done…cook meals, wash dishes, fold laundry. If they completed homework after school, why not allow mindless iPad use? At the same time, I was experiencing some heath issue resulting in low energy. I spent months trying to get my energy back and leaned on excuses to feel better about my current situation. I lacked the mental and physical energy to play barbies and tag, which made me feel like an inadequate parent. As I experimented with my lifestyle, I began to see incremental improvements in my energy, which enabled me to pay attention to the environment I was creating. Here were the stories I told myself:

1) I’m not a good mom unless I keep my kids busy and give them constant attention.

2) My kids can’t handle being bored. I need to come up with endless activities to fill our free time.

3) I can’t get house chores done if my kids aren’t entertained.

Then one day I stopped. I reframed the stories I created.

1) My kids need independent downtime to become self aware, learn and figure out what brings them joy without my constant interjection.

2) Boredom leads to creativity.

3) My chores are not more important than time with my family. I will focus on my children first, then do everything else. It may take longer, but I can still get everything done while carving out quality time with my family.

I removed Roblox. I removed YouTube. I limited time on the iPads. As I regained my energy, I started taking them outside every day. We started playing tag at the park. We started jump roping. We started moving our bodies. It was an excellent experience. It’s incredible to connect with my girls through movement and escape our distractions. No phones. No iPads. No house chores. Only monkey bars, asphalt, slides, swings and open fields. The effect? I am more fulfilled, my daughters are more engaged and we are creating memories with deep connection.

By distracting and keeping them occupied, I was taking away something extremely valuable. I was removing their creativity. All their individual ways of creating were being affected…their imaginative play, artistic outlets and writing. It is important to have moments of individual silence. Isn’t that when amazing things happen? The result? My girls enjoy independent play, they are content spending time by themselves and I get more quality time with each of them. Everyone is winning.

Before the change, the deep connection I shared with my oldest was fading. Instead of spending time together, she wanted to play Roblox. Now she offers to help while I cook. We talk about her day and the thoughts she has. We jump rope together, constantly. I tell her how much I enjoy having her around, not distracted by her iPad, and she actually agrees. She isn’t anxious anymore, and she is present. Surprisingly, her hearing came back, too. She responds to me when I talk to her. She writes songs and practices singing lyrics to music that makes her happy. 

My youngest plays board games and will go to her room to play independently with her dolls. She is really into making play food. We’ve literally made baby food and fed her dolls none stop for the last 5 days. We even take the ingredients to the park to create different recipes while her older sister does tricks on the monkey bars.

One of my goals was to slow down the pace of our lives and I’ve achieved that. My days feel way longer, I am more present, and content when I go to bed at night. I have so many memories from the day that bring me happiness. Here are some ways to get started:

1) Become aware. Consider your current family dynamic. Do you experience pressure to give your children constant attention? Does this pressure lead to tv or tablet time? What would happen if you removed the distractions? What would it feel like if you removed the pressure to be everything for your children? We’ve cultivated these habits to keep ourselves and our children distracted. We have forgotten how to enjoy time without a device. Write down 3 ways you can restructure your time together and use it as an outline for your day. Here are some examples:

Example 1: Get home, grab a snack and go to the park for an hour (Family). Make dinner (Independent Time). Play a board game (Family). Wash dishes (Independent time).

Example 2: Get home, draw or build with magna-tiles (Family). Make dinner (Independent Time). Go for a walk (Family). Wash dishes (Independent time).

2) Communicate. New habits and ways of thinking take time. You may find it challenging initially, which may require constant reenforcement. Let your kids know, “We are going to spend more time as a family. You can’t use your tablet today. We can play a board game or go for a walk instead.” Be prepared. They may whine and complain. The decision is not a negotiation. Stay stern. Ask them to play with their toys, or draw, for 20 minutes. Maybe they can build a castle with the magna-tiles and you all can play with figurines once they finish.

3) Create visual cues. It makes it easier to build new habits if you have visual cues. Were there activities you enjoyed doing before the distractions? I keep a basket of activities on my table. Some days, it contains stuff to draw and color. Other days, it contains magna-tiles for us to build castles. I play music as we walk in the door and my oldest will dance and sing in the living room. I even have a gymnastic bar I bring into the house. I know, I even feel crazy typing that. But I do. All these activities are in full view so my kids can gravitate towards those items without thinking.

4) Try to remain consistent. If you change the routine, then you change the dynamic.

You might be amazed by the satisfaction you feel after implementing these changes. It may even inspire you to tap into that same creativity. It feels good to let go and invite our minds out to wonder. I recommend giving it a try.